The Funnies……




 (Winston  Churchill loved  them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of  a  sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;  frequently humorous.  

1.  Where there’s a will,  I want to be in it.

2.  The last thing I want  to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you  hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with  you,  we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we  only  learn how to act in  public.

6. War does not determine who  is  right – only who is  left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a  fruit salad.

8.  They begin the evening  news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why  it  isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one  person is plagiarism. To  steal from many is  research.

10. Buses stop in bus  stations.  Trains stop in train stations. On my  desk is a work  station.

11. I thought I wanted a  career. Turns out I just  wanted  paychecks.

12. In filling out an  application, where  it says, ‘In case of emergency,  notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13.  I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can  walk down the street with a bald head & a beer gut, & still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A  clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to  skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness,  but it sure makes misery easier to live  with.

19. There’s a fine line  between  cuddling & holding someone down so they  can’t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot 1st & call whatever you hit the  target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what  it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a  Christian any more than standing in a  garage makes you a car.

26. Where there’s a  will, there are relatives.

&  mine  is………
I’m  supposed to  respect my elders, but its getting harder & harder for  me to find  one now.

© 2012, Seasoned Citizen Prepper. All rights reserved. On republishing this post you must provide link to original post.

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