A PREPPER’S 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

 

As a prepper, what would you think of the gifts on the 12 days of Christmas?

You would receive:

12 partridges in 12 trees – a useful start for your orchard but a bit monoculture – maybe you could swap a few of the trees for apples or plums.

11 pairs of turtle doves – that’s 22 birds now, but heaven knows how many come breeding time.

30 colly/calling birds – hope they are edible.

36 French hens – at least they are useful but at this rate the cost of feed is growing rapidly – imagine what it will be by the time next Christmas come around.

40 gold rings – something really useful. Just one of these will pay for the all the bird feed till next Christmas.

42 geese a laying – if you have any neighbors within earshot you’d better give them the eggs as a sweetener. The noise is terrible, not to mention the mess they make.

42 swans a swimming in the UK some swans are owned by The Worshipful Company of Dyers or The Worshipful Company of Vintners and the rest belong to the Queen. That means he must have bought them illegally– that’s worrying – what sort of true love does that? Everyone else will need to hire a digger to create a lake for them to swim in.

40 maids a milking – that constitutes a decent herd, but at an average stocking density of 1 cow per acre that’s a couple of big fields you are going to need. A couple of maids who can milk by hand might be useful in a power outage, but all of them, along with 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords a leaping, 22 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming will eat their way through your preps in no time.

REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS GIFT.

You may think the 40 gold rings make it worthwhile, but by the time you’ve purchased enough land, dug a lake, fed 140 people, repaired your front garden/drive from the mess the delivery trucks, dancers, leaping lords, pipers and drummers made, not to mention the probable law suits from your neighbors, local council, etc, you’ll probably be out of pocket. Not only that, your OPSEC is ruined.

Ecomum

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